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You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

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You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

Post by Apocalypse prettysoon on Fri Jun 08, 2012 3:00 am

I thought it might be a good idea to have one thread for this topic

Today I woke up. Picked my nose. Had a shave. A shower. Contemplated slashing my wrists when I saw the silver price.
And now im having a cup of tea and a smoke
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Re: You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

Post by alexisio on Fri Jun 08, 2012 3:12 am

Dont let us stop you , from cutting your wrists.
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Re: You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

Post by Bulldog on Fri Jun 08, 2012 3:19 am

Now thats just not fair, where's the moderator?
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Re: You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

Post by lucky luke on Fri Jun 08, 2012 10:01 am

some-one called?
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Re: You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

Post by centralPA on Fri Jun 08, 2012 3:51 pm

What are you wearing?

Do your shoes match your accessories?
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Re: You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

Post by alexisio on Fri Jun 08, 2012 4:26 pm

Not wearing anything its 1.30 a.m. here Send Jenny around. Hey i think Lucky Luke has a boner check his avatar.
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Re: You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

Post by centralPA on Fri Jun 08, 2012 4:56 pm

It is almost noon here. I think dave pounds her pretty hard- he is a trucker.
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Re: You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

Post by centralPA on Fri Jun 08, 2012 5:04 pm

alexisio wrote:Not wearing anything its 1.30 a.m. here Send Jenny around. Hey i think Lucky Luke has a boner check his avatar.

I never got into sleeping nude. It sounds cold.
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Re: You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

Post by Apocalypse prettysoon on Fri Jun 08, 2012 10:24 pm

I find myself living in the bush in a shack with an outdoor loo.
Not a normal toilet outside. But a pit with toilet seat built over it.
Where you lift the seat and have to search for spiders and can see the ghosts of christmas past lying forlornly below.

I used to be rightly proud of my regularity.
You could set your watch by it.
But I've discovered that it is shy of outdoor loos.
Doesn't matter that I might like the idea of taking a dump before breakfast, the bowel doesnt want any part of it.
It has a mind of its own. Turns out its a snob.
Months have gone by and the best I can manage is once every 3 days.
Today is day 3 in the cycle. I'm really looking forward to it.
Keep you posted.
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Re: You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

Post by lucky luke on Fri Jun 08, 2012 11:16 pm

centralPA wrote:What are you wearing?

Do your shoes match your accessories?

What? I don't wear shoes. Does that mean I'm a match for my accessories?
Always wondered why getting into a casino is a problem...............
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Re: You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

Post by lucky luke on Fri Jun 08, 2012 11:18 pm

alexisio wrote:Not wearing anything its 1.30 a.m. here Send Jenny around. Hey i think Lucky Luke has a boner check his avatar.

Mate, you call that a bone? THIS is a bone!! Even Jenny would blush! Embarassed (are you listening to this Fuku? Guess you can't play this game can you? )
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Re: You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

Post by Apocalypse prettysoon on Fri Jun 08, 2012 11:51 pm

im 5 kilos lighter and alls well with the world
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Re: You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

Post by lucky luke on Sat Jun 09, 2012 12:05 am

Apocalypse prettysoon wrote:im 5 kilos lighter and alls well with the world

Adds another dimension to the saying "your full of shit". Guess you can deny that one today mate! Very Happy
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Re: You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

Post by Apocalypse prettysoon on Sat Jun 09, 2012 12:32 am

I'm off to get some seasol. Very valuable little tip here somewhere from DBP.
thats the magic of gardening, theres no end to figuring it out
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Re: You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

Post by Bulldog on Sat Jun 09, 2012 1:42 am

Apocalypse prettysoon wrote:I find myself living in the bush in a shack with an outdoor loo.
Not a normal toilet outside. But a pit with toilet seat built over it.
Where you lift the seat and have to search for spiders and can see the ghosts of christmas past lying forlornly below.

I used to be rightly proud of my regularity.
You could set your watch by it.
But I've discovered that it is shy of outdoor loos.
Doesn't matter that I might like the idea of taking a dump before breakfast, the bowel doesnt want any part of it.
It has a mind of its own. Turns out its a snob.
Months have gone by and the best I can manage is once every 3 days.
Today is day 3 in the cycle. I'm really looking forward to it.
Keep you posted.


Come in come in David, lay down on the couch and relax. Not that you've got much to relax about! Now this business of irregular bowel movement, not a good sign I'm afraid and its probably a good thing that you brought it to my attention. You see the waste system of the human body is not unlike the lubrication system of a motor car, the oil filter being the collection point for contaminants as is the bowel of the human body. When the system begins to malfunction as is the case, the waste particles are excreted into the blood flow and before long begin to attack the brain cells ( which of course answers a whole raft of questions in relation to your recent behaviour patterns) Strangely enough there is a fairly simple solution to this problem a course of 6 stubbies of homebrew which is still in the working stage (still fermenting) taken over a period of two hours should do the trick. However if left untreated it would lead to brain surgery, which in your case would be require micro surgery which of course is always more expensive. Cheer up its not over yet. Your friend Bulldog.
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Re: You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

Post by lucky luke on Sat Jun 09, 2012 11:25 am

Apocalypse prettysoon wrote:I'm off to get some seasol. Very valuable little tip here somewhere from DBP.
thats the magic of gardening, theres no end to figuring it out
I buy the stuff in 20l drums. Then I mix it up in a garbage bin size container. Every month or so, the whole garden/fruit trees etc get a good dose. Seems to be good stuff though a bit on the nose in concentrate form.
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Re: You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

Post by alexisio on Sat Jun 09, 2012 3:08 pm

I might buy some an stand in it see if i can make that elusive 6', Just need another 6'' cheers
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Re: You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

Post by Dirtbikepilot on Sat Jun 09, 2012 3:15 pm

Apocalypse prettysoon wrote:And now im having a cup of tea and a smoke

I don't smoke cigarettes anymore, but tonight I did indulge in a cigar with a scotch. Don't think I have had
one in about a month. Need the time to sit back and just enjoy it. I guess that is why I haven't had one
for so long, haven't had the time. They are nice though.
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Re: You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

Post by alexisio on Sat Jun 09, 2012 3:27 pm

Havent had a smoke since i was diagnosed with lung cancer,which was way back in 96. One of the lucky ones to be still around, doesnt bother me if others enjoy a smoke or 2
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Re: You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

Post by Dirtbikepilot on Sat Jun 09, 2012 3:47 pm

Are you serious about the lung cancer?

I was a 2 pack a day smoker. Started when I was 14/15, gave up about 7 years ago now, so smoked for about 20 years or so.
I think it was the hardest thing I ever did. I was starting to cough all the time and wheeze, wasn't very healthy so
figured if I didn't give them away they would put me away. I had tried giving up heaps of other times but this
time I was pretty determined. I used patches and gum, after the patches stuck with the nicoret gum for a while then
switched to normal gum.

Haven't had a cigarette since I gave up. Wouldn't risk it, I would probably be back on them if I did. Cigars are different,
for 1 you don't inhale them. they are more about taking the time to sit, relax, enjoy and contemplate. You have to take
the time because a small robusto takes about an hour, anything bigger obviously takes longer. A mate asked me how can
you smoke cigars after giving up smokes. The best analogy I could come up with was the difference between someone
who goes to the club and throws down shots to get pissed and another who goes to a winery and appreciates a nice wine.

I don't need to have a cigar, and as stated it has probably been a month since I had one. Been to busy, and it's getting to
cold to sit outside. At least it gives my cigars time to mature in the humidor.
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Re: You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

Post by alexisio on Sat Jun 09, 2012 4:47 pm

Let you in on a little secret, Cigars cause more throat an mouth cancers than smokes! Hey dont let that stop you though. Its your life enjoy it as you wish. Just get off the Home Brew.
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Re: You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

Post by Apocalypse prettysoon on Sat Jun 09, 2012 10:55 pm

Thanks for the bowel health advice. Appreciated.

Something exciting actually happened on my trip to the shops yesterday morn.
I was dawdling along looking for a carpark near Coles, whistling a happy tune . When I hear a police siren. I look around and theeres a cop car behind me.
I'm not a child who obeys loud scary noise, so naturally I ignoredd them and continued dawdling along looking for a carpark.

They didnt take the hint, and drove right along side me, and yelled at me to pull over. I told them when I join the police force , I'll start taking orders from their officers. Until then i'm free to do as I please. And kept driving.
Then they pull in front of me and damn near cause an accident. So I had to stop. And its a woman coming up to my window. I asked her why she is violating my right as sworn by Her Majesty to unencumbered use of the common roads.
Which threw her for a second, because of course I hadnt broke any law. (its long weekend and theyre out hassling everyone) so she makes up a lie that its a random breathtest. Despite not having a breath tester .
Anyhow I told her I dont live in the Vatican's jurisdiction, if she has evidence of a crime I've committed produce it , or mind yorur business, I've got shopping to do.
A bunch of police cars turn up. I'm claiming my right as a British Subject. Long story short, I got the treatment. Damn near broke my bad arm again. Black eye from banging my face on the road. etcetc.

So looks like Ive got another noble fight against the pope in court next month. This time if I oust the judge and take the bench in the name of th queen, I'll make sure its on video. Such is the imagination of the average numpty, they dont appreciate the power of one man in our law unless its on TV.

They mustve contaced WA police after an hour or so in jail because they sure changed their tune. And only the seargent was allowed to speak to me.

Army of 1

BEERSHEBA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Re: You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

Post by lucky luke on Sun Jun 10, 2012 12:10 am

LOL Legendary. Mate, your either one very principled gutsy bastard, or you've got a serious screw loose and like to get in the shit. I'd prefer to think you were the former. Awesome. Not sure if your going to get what you want though. Smile
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Re: You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

Post by Apocalypse prettysoon on Sun Jun 10, 2012 12:17 am

I might have a screw loose, but trust me , its everyone else that's crazy. I know whats really going on beyond TV reality. If you know, you act accordingly. And let the chips fall where they may.

The bozos asked me why i didnt just do a breath test when i was in jail. You're obviously not drunk. ( although I was slightly intoxicated by my pleasant bowel movement before I left).
And they said , its your choice, like I deserve it for my not being a gutless fuck like everyone else.
There is no choice.
Be a man, or be a slave.
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Re: You wouldnt believe what happened to me today

Post by lucky luke on Sun Jun 10, 2012 1:00 am

Apocalypse prettysoon wrote:I might have a screw loose, but trust me , its everyone else that's crazy. I know whats really going on beyond TV reality. If you know, you act accordingly. And let the chips fall where they may.

The bozos asked me why i didnt just do a breath test when i was in jail. You're obviously not drunk. ( although I was slightly intoxicated by my pleasant bowel movement before I left).
And they said , its your choice, like I deserve it for my not being a gutless fuck like everyone else.
There is no choice.
Be a man, or be a slave.

Yeah but William Wallace was a man too when he faced his torturous end. Didn't get him anywhere though. I'd prefer to win the fights I can so as to still be in the game for future fights. There is a bit of ground between "man or slave" to play in. Smile
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